A bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand

[Bob259]

A bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand and orders a shandy.

All the Kiwis sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see another Australian visitor.

The barman says, 'You ain't from around here, are ya?'

The guy says, 'No, I'm from Canada.'

The bartender says, 'What do you do in Canada?'

The guy says, 'I'm a taxidermist.'

The bartender says, 'A tixidermist?

What the hick is a tixidermist?

Do you drive a tixi?'

'No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi.

I mount animals.'

The bartender grins and yells, ' He's okay boys. He's one of us'

[DavidABQ]

That sounds like a guy from Montana!

[Innocent]

That is in OZ not us Pig Islanders TwoBOB.

Innocent

[Merlin]

A distressed but attractive woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get up the nerve to jump.

A Kiwi passing by stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"

The woman said "Get away from me you sicko!"

The Kiwi turned to leave and muttered, "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."

[DavidABQ]

A distressed but attractive woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get up the nerve to jump.

A Kiwi passing by stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"

The woman said "Get away from me you sicko!"

The Kiwi turned to leave and muttered, "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."

[OldRanger]

Lol, good one!

[Merlin]

Three Queensland virgin sisters were all getting married within a short time period. Mum was a bit
worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to
send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions
of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said
nothing but: "Nescafe". Puzzled at first, Mum went to her kitchen and got out the
Nescafe jar. It said: "Great from beginning to end". Mum blushed, but was pleased for
her daughter.


The second girl sent the card from the Maldives a week after the wedding, and
the card read: "Rothmans". Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's
cigarettes to read from the pack: "Super strong King Size". She was again slightly
embarrassed but still happy for her daughter..


The third girl departed for her honeymoon in New Zealand .. Mum waited for a week,
nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. A month passed; still nothing.. A card
finally arrived from Napier, on which was written with shaky hand, "Air New Zealand "..


Mum took out her latest travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst,
and finally found the ad for Air NZ.

'Ten times a day, seven days a week, in all directions.'