A view from our friends in the North.

[Bob259]

The Manitoba Herald
as Reported by Clive Runnels
August 1, 2010


The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada , Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said. The Herald will be interested to see if Obama can actually raise Mary from the dead in time for the concert!

[Innocent]

[quote][If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
/quote] Myron Howard Floren,South Dakota DOB 11/05/1919, DOD 2005.....cancer, and that is from memory.

Innocent

[daisy]

[If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
/quote] Myron Howard Floren,South Dakota DOB 11/05/1919, DOD 2005.....cancer, and that is from memory.

Innocent

I hated it when the parents would make me watch Lawrence Welk. I remember getting the taste of soap when I was mad about a clash of tv programs and said "I hate that damn Perry Como " . Oh the good ol days of B&W tv.

[hambone49]

Funny stuff Boib, and thanks Mary for bringing up two fine fellow Norwegians. My Mom tried to get me to audition for the Welk show in the late seventies, but I found out what a tough SOB he was. No long hair, tardiness, drinking, drugs or womanizing. Everything I learned in music school would have been wasted.

[Innocent]

Now Hammy..I still have my MF fan club button, saw him live many times, and he liked to drink , but then I never saw him with the Weld group. Even took the boy out of school to see a day performance of him and Boots Randolph in Melbourne. Your mother was right...a chance to work for the man would have done you some good, but then boys never listen to their mothers.


Innocent