That was "before" the guy came to his senses and got rid of his wife joke. Here's the "after" joke.

There was a middle aged guy who bought a brand new Mercedes convertible SLK. He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. 'This is great,' he thought and floored it some more.
He looked in his rearview mirror and there was a Florida Highway Patrol Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blasting. 'I can get away from him with no problem' thought the man and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph.

Then he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing' and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the State Trooper to catch up with him.

The Trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.

'Sir,' he said, looking at his watch. 'My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding; that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The man looked back at the Trooper and said, 'Last week my wife ran off with a State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back.'

The State Trooper said, 'Have a nice day.'

Via Gary in PeEll

THE LIE DETECTOR

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha."The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

got this one from a outfitter from new zeland. why do women close their eyes when they have sex?...............cause they dont like seeing their man have any fun. he imediatley got the shoulder punch from his wife who was sitting next to him.